21 Day Pure Water Journey: day 7

I woke up to our ocean crashing waves on the shores, and felt my heartbeat increase. There has been no wave activity in our waters since I began this 21 day journey, and that’s something I’ve greatly appreciated. Thanks to Her grace, I have been able to calm my nervous system and flight/flight response fairly successfully. Now She is changing the flow and tide from calm activity, to rigorous, blasting currents. How am I supposed to walk into Her chilled waters peacefully with crashing waves? Not to mention howling wind and rain? Looking out from the balcony, I took in the scope of what I set out to embrace that morning and immediately felt very vulnerable and wanted to curl up indoors in warmth. 

But I committed to this journey, so off I went in total resistance towards our charging waters with my partner Stephan, kitty Hakuna, and pup Bella Coola. Our two fluffy guardians wait by the shore and support the journey in spirit from a distance. I was amazed with how I could not interact with our ocean the same way I did just the day before when she was at rest. She is a totally different ‘being’ today. What’s the approach now? All I knew was a calm, gentle entry so that’s what I did. I tensed up immediately as waves crashed against my body. What a vital force She is! I could not catch my breath. The icy cold I invited and embraced so willingly the day before was now feeling like a freezing invasion from every angle. 

I fumbled through waves until the ocean was level with my chest. Trying to catch my breath, I froze at the thought of immersing my head under these turbulent waters. My peaceful, slow water entry was failing fast and I had to get out of the water to collect myself. So I fumbled out, the waves crashing every step of the way. This was not the uplifting cold ocean immersion I was used to. 

I stood on the shores and felt like I really let myself down (and Her down). I said to Stephan, ‘I’m going back and will dunk my head and face in.’ Stephan replied, ‘Don’t do it out of guilt Ariane. What you did is enough. Don’t be hard on yourself.’  This is exactly what I needed to hear and I thanked him for the reminder.

Why would I be hard on myself anyhow? This is a journey through intense territories, can’t I be gentle and ok with whatever happens or does not happen? The last thing I want to do is project more fear into our precious waters. She holds nothing against us. She only wants us well and to take care of Her. I found softness in my heart and a willingness to let go of the heaviness. 

This is why I made it a point to not call these 21 days a ‘challenge’. It is a journey. Journeys come with ups and downs, we accept them and move on. 

Tomorrow we are likely having harsh rains and turbulent oceans. I’ll be walking into our pure waters with an open mind and heart. This is an opportunity for me to embrace pure trust in an entirely new light and I’m open to it.